And Dr. Dre Said... Nothin' You Idiots, Dr. Dre's Dead, He's Locked In My Basement.

I am going to college in the ghetto. Well, actually, I'm going to college a few blocks away from the ghetto. Close enough, if you ask me.

I've fallen in love with Greensboro College. I want to make babies with it. No lie. I do. You think that's wrong? Well, you're right. It's very wrong. But that doesn't make it any less true. I don't know exactly what it is about this school that has me WANTING to complete my graduation project so that I can get in, but I sure as hell do. Yes, it's the first college I've visited, and I am going to visit many more, but I just know in my Heart of Order that Greensboro College is the one for me.

I'll admit, I was skeptical about it at first. I was a bit concerned that it was too "chummy", if you know what I mean. Too personal. It would require me to actually socialize myself, which is the thing I hate most in this world, other than all the other things I hate most in this world. The teachers know you. The students know you. Hell, even the janitors know you. I'm not shitting you. I saw a janitor give one of the kids a high five. It was creepy. But I liked it. Why am I writing in such short sentences? Stop it. Short sentence make Heather feel like devolved chimp. Shiiiiiiiiiit.

As I was saying, it's within ten blocks of the ghetto. Lee Street, breh! (For those of you who don't live in North Carolina, Lee Street is where the majority of violent crimes in Greensboro occur) I'm sure Nathanael Greene would be delighted to know what a name his town has made for itself. Oh well. He still has Pennsylvania, Georgia, and Alabama. Georgia... what a joke...

To put things in perspective, I should tell you that the college has its own escort service. No, not THAT kind of escort service. I mean the kind where you can actually call, and they send someone to walk you from your car to your dorm. Hyuk, hyuk, hyuk...

I'm going to get raped. There's no way I would be able to call an escort service without giggling like a lunatic.

You Know What, Rivers? You Actually DO Kind Of Look Like Buddy Holly. And Here I Was, Thinking You Just Pulled That Out Of Your Ass.

I'm turning into an American History nerd. Akatosh, save me.

I think the moment of truth came when I actually turned to someone I didn't know and corrected them on Paul Revere's famous words to the patriot rebels. It went something like this:

Person: [Some shit I wasn't listening to]... The British are coming! [snortgigglegigglesnort]

Me: [Doing a complete one eighty where I stood] You know, that's not ACTUALLY what he said. Technically, he was British, too, so he wouldn't have SAID "The British are coming!". That would have been redundant. What he really said was, "The Regulars are coming out!", because that's what the patriots called the loyalists back then.

Person: ...

And then, that person turned around and walked away from me. Out the door, into the parking lot. Oh yeah, did I mention that this whole incident occurred in a movie theater? Well, I just did. I found that I was asking myself a lot of questions as I made my way back to my car, the three most prevalent being, "What the fuck did I just do?", "Why the fuck did I just do that?", and "Why the hell does Eragon get all the credit for slaying Durza?".

On a side note, does anyone else think that "The Regulars are coming out!" is hilariously hysterical? No? Just me? Alright then...

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For those of you reading this right now thinking, "You know, this blog is pretty funny, but it's just not nerdy enough for my tastes", I've got a treat for you.

I. Am. Sheogorath.

Yeah, you heard me right. I beat Shivering Isles. No big. No, really, it's no big. Jyggalag was ridiculously easy to beat. Literally, I hit him with Shadowrend twice, and he died. It was kind of disappointing, to tell the truth. However, any disappointment I felt at my complete victory over the daedric Lord of Order was snuffed out when I learned I would be able to manipulate the weather at will. I'm rather easily amused, if you hadn't already noticed. Between that and my staff that causes everything within a 75 foot radius to freeze in place, I'll probably have no reason to leave my living room for the next 3 months. Plus, I haven't played Knights of the Nine yet. So, 4 months.

I can just imagine the kind of shit I'm going to get for this. I should probably take preemptive strike.

Hey, Katie! Your prom date is shorter than you!

That should be enough to get her going.