I'm sorry, Ashley, but this is just too good not to post.
A couple of weeks ago, my good friend, Ashley, got her wisdom teeth taken out, and you all know what that means. Unlimited quantities of all those drugs that are normally illegal! And let me tell you, she hit the illicit drug jackpot. I got stuck with plain old Vicodin when I got mine out, but darling Ashley was lucky enough to score a prescription for Codeine! Exciting, no? Well, not when you're Ashley, as can be proven by the following text conversation... I should also mention that the first message was sent the night before she took the Codeine for the first time, and pertained to some RJ Berger clip that I never got around to watching. I was of course suspicious, as every other time she had sent me something resembling that, it was a link to the music video for "Buddy Holly" by Weezer. It's how she Rick Rolls me. But, anyway...
--------------------
Ashley: Check you facebook e-mail ASAP. You won't believe it. I don't believe it. THIS IS NOT A DRILL. REPEAT. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Me: Ashley, I swear to God, if I check my messages and you've sent me the Buddy Holly video again, I'm gonna have to shank you.
A: Is not. I sen it to Katie tu and she lovd it. guss what? im on coedine and im dizzy. now i kno why people sell it as drugss. but no budd holly. promise. hi! :)
M: Oh, wow. I'm going to save that message forever. It will bring us laughs for years to come.
A: why?
M: Never mind. Gotta get me some of that Codeine, though...
A: its werd. i hugged the incubater earlier. i gess im escited about hatchding ducks?
M: Have they hatched already? I wouldn't recommend hugging the ducks themselves. They might not like that too much.
A: theyve only been theyre for thr3 days. they wont hach for 20something more. its just egs.
M: Oh. What are you going to name them?
A: cant tellem part when treir born. or when there grown. im hoping we can get colorful bands for thems feet. then we can ientify then and names would be good. but also thers goona be lots of them cause we have 3 dosen eggs. they wont all hatch but hopefull a lot.
M: That's a good idea. Then you could take them for walks and everything!
A: i dun thinkg they would do that. plus if they try 2 flie. and when they growed. it mighkt hurt themd.
M: Good point. I think it would be cool to be a duck. Don't you?
A: id like to fly. and duckies are cuut. but i think your trying to get some funny stuff out om me being highish. cleber. but not enough.
M: Oh, it definitely IS enough, love XD
A: what IS?
M: Don't worry about it. How are you feeling?
A: my face hurts. an is swollen. an i have only eten jello. i miss meat. i really want ckicken right now. nomnom.
A: HOW ARE YOU FEELING? <---(this is part of an inside joke that will be explained once I get done typing all this)
M: XD Has Philip texted you at all since you shut him down?
A: not :) once :) since :) that :) othr :) day :). i :) cant :) say :) i :) mind :). did :) i :) put :) enough :) faces :) so :) you :) know :) im :) liking :) you :)? i :) could :) propose :) if :) you :) dint :) get :) the :) point :). <---(part of the same inside joke)
M: You haven't invited me to come see you folk/rock/pop/polka band perform yet! <---(still part of that inside joke)
A: iknow. but im sleepy.
M: Awwww. Are you gonna go to bed now?
A: maybe. i kinda am in bed. im watching a true life about homeless people. i think the medcinde is making me sleepy. thats part of what itdoes.
M: Yeah, I've heard that.
A: its a boring show.
A: uh huh. (WTF?)
M: Really? I would think you would love it, seeing how much you care about homeless people.
A: suddup.
A: there hmoleess but the girl can still aford to somke 2 cigartees at once?
M: I guess that's what homeless people do with the money we give them.
A: Dummies..
--------------------
And so ends Ashley's Grande Ole' Codeine-Induced Adventure, Part II (Part I involved her sending Eye Vay a text message that just said "frozen rear"). We had quite a bit of fun at poor Ashley's expense that day. So much, in fact, that she refuses to read over the messages she sent me!
Now, I feel obligated to explain the "Philip Situation". In short, Philip is this guy that goes to our school who one day decided that he had the hots for Ashley. Keep in mind, they had never had a conversation before he informed Eye Vay of his infatuation, and knew absolutely nothing about each other. Zilch. Zero. Nihil. So, they texted pretty much every day (his choice, not hers), but eventually, Ashley decided she couldn't take it anymore. She had no interest in him, and plus, a girl can only spend so much time talking with a guy about nothing but physical therapy, Frank Turner, and his misguided dreams of becoming a famous folk musician. So, she cut him loose, and we spent a brief (but highly amusing) period of time making fun of him mercilessly behind his back about his lack of interesting talking points and excessive use of the smiley face.
Pax ex, breh.
No comments:
Post a Comment